I Am NOT Buying New Jeans

Well, I'm back!

I wasn't sure. It was a little shady there. Life has been hectic. But that is standard Bowers MO, so I really can't use that as an excuse.

Speaking of excuses, I've been mentally using a lot of them the past few months with regard, to, um, you know, exercising. The whole, hey, I got a new hip, or hey, I'm homeless for the summer excuse, while actually somewhat valid, is no longer flying. Why, you ask? One word. Jeans. It's fall and my jeans are tight. Like, I want to do that first trimester rubber band thing tight.

Suddenly a summer of Mack & Manco Pizza (Still can't get past the name change) and Kohr Brothers soft serve is literally not sitting well with my pant seams. Especially when my "exercise" was chasing the monkeys up and down the boardwalk or, alternatively, up and down the beach. It was constant and repetitive, but not necessarily a big calorie killer.

As a result, I went to a kettlebell class today. Actually, I went for the first time last week, but couldn't lift my arms high enough to type about it till today. I'm trying to get done what I can before they realize I did it to them again and go on arm strike. I may have to drink my coffee through a straw...

Kettlebells, for those who don't know, is the art of swinging large chunks of metal around your head and other parts of your body without maiming yourself or others in your general vicinity. If you are like my instructor or the others in the class, it looks super cool and graceful. If you are me, it doesn't.

Right now I want to throw some praise at my instructor, Will Schlucter from WillPower Kettlebells . He has been both patient and encouraging, and hasn't mocked me to my face (yet).

It's not like he hasn't had plenty of opportunity. Let me preface this with I am not an early morning person, and I am highly dependent on coffee, so a 6 am class with no coffee (because I can't make coffee that early) is already setting me up for something Not Good.

So, Will starts us out with some stretches. Easy, right? But all the stretches have names that I don't know and involve contorting your body in ways I haven't moved since my 20s (sorry, Steve) while holding weights and have I mentioned no coffee? After Will catches me before I tip completely over, we move into the real exercises.

These involve more movement with the heavy chunks of metal, except that I don't get to lie on the mats anymore. Bummer. Gravity is not your friend here. Our task is reps of Goblin squats. Steve has informed me that these are actually called Goblet squats, but hey, Goblets squats sound fun, like I have happy wine while exercising. Goblin is much more appropriate because I believe my face is now resembling something out of the depths of Mordor. This is followed by push-ups and some stretch called the Frog. Let me tell you, kettlebell class is not where you are going to get hit on.

After doing this -- a lot -- he makes us lift some bigger, heavier chunks of metal and then walk around the room with them. More than once. On the bright side, this will come in handy the next time I have to drag Nick out of a toy store.

Finally, we do a very long drill of one-arm swings. I quickly downgrade my weights while my "friend" borrows one of my heavier ones for this task. Show off. Have I mentioned the other two women working out with me are tall, skinny, and blonde? Right.

Anyway, while swinging my slightly-less-than-crippling weight around, I notice that Will is definitely not standing anywhere near the possible trajectory of said chunk of metal just in case it flies from my sweaty hands. Smart, smart man.

Finally, it is stretchy time again, with all new animal names -- Cat, Cow, Frog, and Pigeon. And then something called the Pretzel. I no longer like pretzels. Even if you dipped it in Nutella. I am off pretzels.

Despite all that, I actually feel (relatively) good. And I'm going back on Wednesday. One of my friends has told me to give it six (!!) weeks to fit in my jeans again. That's mid-November. Right before eating season. Sigh. I'll let you all know if I'm done with the rubber bands by then! And if you want, come and join me some morning and watch the fun.

:)

Janine

Happy New Year!

Yes, yes. I know it is not January. But honestly, I think that is a terrible time for a new year. It's cold and dark and miserable -- all you are thinking about is surviving until the sun decides to stop being like the grumpy thermometer Nazi who insists that you only need a sweater and you'll be fine, really, no need to be actually warm. The only things new in January are the increasing numbers on the scale and the credit card statements. Of course you make resolutions then -- you are fat and broke. You can really only go up from there, right? And that assumption is completely wrong, too, because evil February is right around the corner with it's grey, damp misery -- if you know me you know how I feel about February. And if not, hang around and you'll find out. Hate it.

No, I've always thought September is a good month for starting anew. You're over the dewy, heady days of spring where everything is new and sparkly and you are just so into finally being over stinking February and seeing green that you can't even think about being productive, and then there is summer with it's fun and adventures and just letting the sun toast the brain right out of you. Every year I bring a "real" book and "brain candy" book to the beach. Guess which one I read? Guess which one I carry around to look smart?

Perhaps because I'm a geek, I love September and the beginning of school and all that new possibility just waiting. New things to learn and do and explore. I miss school. I sat in my son's Open House tonight and found myself wanting to make a car in science class, too! I wish I had time to brain storm and write and confer with others about my writing EVERY SINGLE DAY. I miss that. I didn't know how good I had it.

So as I sat there, filling out a little index card of my hopes and dreams for my 10-year-old this year (ahem, some personal responsibility would be nice), I thought, hey, what about me? What can I do that doesn't involve a tuition payment, anyway? Other than brushing up on some math and geography (Lord, I don't know where anything is on this planet unless it lives in this house.), I would like to exercise my little brain. So I'm going to read more and write more. Hence, this lovely little piece. Some of you (you know who you are), told me I should blog. OK, we were several sheets to the wind, but that's fine, as I have a feeling that some of these posts will be composed in that state, as well.

I'm not planning on making this about anything in particular. I love my kids and will probably write about them way too much, but they're my world right now. The cool thing about them is not how they suck every conscious moment of my life, but rather how, if I take a step back and a deep breath (or ten) and think about it, they have truly gifted me with a new perspective on almost everything as well as a new way of interacting with the world -- some good, some not so good, but it is what it is.

Anyway, I had a whole rant about Open House and whatnot, but I think I'll save that one for later. I'm sure what annoyed me will come up again. Hope some of you join me for the ride. Or just pop in now and then to get an update. But this is about me and for me, so you won't hurt my feelings if you don't.

Oh, and PS, the book I am going to read is The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman. It has received amazing reviews if you are into this kind of stuff. I'll let you know how it goes.

:)

Janine